


Dinner with Friends

by Rustic_Vintage



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Domestic Avengers, Humor, Loki Does What He Wants, One Shot, playful Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-11
Updated: 2017-03-11
Packaged: 2018-10-02 11:58:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10217531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rustic_Vintage/pseuds/Rustic_Vintage
Summary: What happens when Loki is bored and wants some cheap entertainment?  He suggests that the Avengers join him for dinner at his favorite sushi restaurant.  Do the words "Thor with chopsticks" mean anything to you?Just a silly one-shot idea I came up with today, during lunch.





	

It was a quiet Friday afternoon at Stark Tower.  For the God of Mischief and Chaos, that just wouldn't do.  Loki began to wander the halls in search of unrealized mayhem, which could be coaxed into existence with just the right touch.  Everyone had their routine and could be found in what was best described as "their places"; it was disgustingly predictable!  There was the usual mix of science and tech types roaming about the lower levels, gradually making their way out of the building to start their weekend.  The occasional admin or accountant could be found, but since they didn't have much interaction with Loki, they were still uncomfortable with his presence.  These people usually moved to the opposite side of the hall as he passed by.

Loki looked at the timepiece on his wrist; it was twenty minutes until five o'clock.  Actually, the watch was one of Stark's timepieces that Loki had taken without permission and no intention of returning.  He knew that the wristwatch was a quaint Midgardian device that was falling out of use, but Loki looked at it as an opportunity to make a fashion statement.  In any case, the gold Rolex with emerald green face was now his, despite Stark's many failed attempts to recover it.  At this time of day on a Friday, most people were chatting about where to go get a drink or dinner.  The thought of dinner crossed Loki's mind, then it happened.  That beautiful moment when one's thoughts coalescence into a shimmering flash of brilliance in the mind's eye: that moment when a plot has been hatched!  Grinning ear to ear, Loki now walked with purpose.

* * *

"Thor, what's your brother up to?"

Thor looked up from the couch, where he had been watching SpongeBob, one hand on the remote and the other in a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.  He saw Tony Stark and Steve Rogers standing at the end of the couch, wearing expressions of wariness and concern, respectively.

A fine spray of Dorito crumbs flew from his lips.  "What do you mean, Stark?  Loki has been on good behavior these last two weeks," Thor replied with confusion.

"I mean, Reindeer Games is going around trying to get everyone together for dinner tonight.  Since when does he want to go out in public, especially with us?"

Thor beamed up at Tony and Steve.  "My friends, this is wonderful news!  Loki wants to be sociable!"

Tony rolled his eyes.  Of course.  Thor would be excited that Loki was coming out of his shell.  If the big guy had been a yellow Labrador, his tail would be wagging so violently that every object on a flat surface within reach would have gone flying across the room right now.  Steve, while still concerned, was a bit more at ease.  "So, Loki isn't setting us up for a mob hit, right?  He's just planning to get everyone together for dinner?"

The God of Thunder's expression darkened a bit, "Understand this, Captain.  If my brother wanted to, he could have done this at any time in the last three months he has lived in the Tower.  No, Loki's attempt to organize some manner of revels should be met with our acceptance of his invitation."

Clint, Natasha and Bruce had just entered the room and knew that the other three had received Loki's invitation to dinner.  It came in the form of an Evite, decorated with vector-drawn pieces of sushi, random Japanese characters, and a vibrant white and blue background.  The invitation simply read, "You are cordially invited to join Loki, Prince of Asgard, for dinner this evening at Yamato.  Departure Time from Stark Tower Penthouse: 6:30 PM."

Natasha, paranoid as she was, had deployed SHIELD resources to do a security sweep of the restaurant and a five-block radius once the invitation hit her inbox.  The SHIELD agents had just reported back to her, saying that the coast was clear.  When she shared this with the rest of the Avengers, she added "Sushi actually sounds like a good idea.  I don't want to cook tonight."

Bruce just shrugged.  He had been holed up in the lab all day, so he was a little bleary-eyed.  He was mentally fatigued and would have otherwise had a bowl of Fruit Loops for dinner.  Sushi was a better choice.  Clint, while still not a fan of Loki's, felt more comfortable with the idea of going out (if he was going to be strong-armed into breaking bread with the guy).  Steve had never had sushi, but hearing Tony rave about it, decided that it was worth a shot.  Thor had not tried it, either.  If Loki was recommending it, then sushi must be good.  Tony saw that he was on the losing end, so he sighed.  "Fine.  I'll arrange for cars to take us there."

At 6:30 on the dot, Loki strolled into the penthouse.  "Ah, excellent!  You have all decided to join me for dinner.  Thank you for coming."

"Of course, brother!  It promises to be a fun evening with our friends," said Thor as he rose from his seat at Tony's bar.  "Stark has arranged for transportation this evening."

Loki looked at Tony, "That is most kind.  I was going to try using Uber, but this will be much better."

"No sweat, Rock of Ages.  Let's get this show on the road."  With that, Tony pounded the rest of his scotch and headed to the elevator.  Everyone else filed in behind him, heading to the waiting vehicles.

* * *

The two luxury sedans carrying the Avengers pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant.  A huge red neon sign, emblazoned with the restaurant's name, cast an eery glow on the wet pavement.  The paper screens covering the front windows of the restaurant, however, were warm and inviting.  The group entered the restaurant and were immediately greeted with welcoming shouts from the wait staff and the sushi chefs behind the bar.  Loki found this place his first week in exile on Midgard and had been a regular customer ever since.  The hostess practically tripped over herself when she saw the rangy Asgardian.  The hostess shooed away the rest of the wait staff; she insisted on personally taking care of one of the restaurant's best tippers herself.  She didn't even notice that Tony Stark was part of that party until she started handing out menus.  That revelation had her beside herself!

Tony insisted that everyone get at least one sake bomb, both their table and the sushi chefs.  The wait staff went to work, setting up the pint glasses half-filled with Sapporo and balancing shot glasses of sake on chopsticks laid across the tops of the pint glasses.  Loki had seen (done) sake bombs before with the chefs, so he told Thor to just follow along.  Knowing what was to come, he fought to keep his genial smile from growing into a devilish grin.  He thought to himself, " _Anthony Stark, you are like a self-opening piñata!_ "

The head chef shouted at the top of his lungs, "I say 'sake', you say 'bomb'! Sake!"

The whole room shouted, "Bomb!"

"Sake!"

"Bomb!"

"Sake!"

"Bomb!"

Everyone with a drink in front of them pounded their fists on the tabletops, dropping the shot into the glasses.  Well, that was the idea anyway.  Thor pounded his fists _through_ the table, smashing it to bits and taking almost everyone's drinks down with it.  Only Loki's drink was spared.  The astonished wait staff hurried to clean up the mess and re-seat Loki and the Avengers.  Loki waved off the profuse apologies of the mortified hostess.  "I should apologize for not adequate explaining sake bombs to my brother.  Please, add the cost of the damages to our bill."

Now the hostess was close to having conniptions.  As she opened her mouth to protest, Loki held his hand up, "No, I insist."  She closed her mouth with an audible snap.  Then she began to babble her thanks as she scurried about to make sure that everyone was situated at the table with fresh drinks.  They looked over their menus, trying to decide on what to get.  Loki, Natasha, and Tony debated the virtues of getting the sushi boat versus each person getting several rolls to share.  That was when Loki turned to the chefs and shouted, "Omakase!"

The chefs grinned and nodded as they went to work in a flurry of activity.  Knives were flashing, orders shouted, all manner of fish was removed from the display cases and sliced with precision.  Thor, having the benefit of the All-Speak, knew that Loki had just told the chefs to make whatever they felt like making.  Steve looked puzzled.  Nat explained what happened and Steve began to shift uncomfortably.

"What's the matter, Cap?  You look a little sick just now."

"Sorry, guys.  I knew that sushi was fish.  I didn't know it was _raw_ fish."  Steve glanced over at the plates that were being filled.  One of them had some sort of squishy-looking orange thing on it.  "Ok.  What's that?"

Loki followed Steve's point.  "Oh!  That's uni...sea urchin.  One of my favorites, along with bluefin tuna."

Tony shook his head.  "You would like only the most expensive pieces of sushi around, Reindeer Games."

Steve wasn't sure if he wanted to see anymore, but his curiosity got the better of him.  Just as he turned toward the bar, he saw a chef take a large live prawn and cut off its head!  The chef then scooped out the insides and started mixing them in a bowl with some other stuff.  It was right then that Steve had to excuse himself in a hurry.  "Oh dear," said Loki.  "Will he be alright?"  Loki hid his smirk by taking a sip of his drink.

"Sure, he'll get over it.  Maybe beer and edamame don't mix well," quipped Tony.  Tony flagged down a waiter, asking him to make a tempura California roll and an order of chicken teriyaki for the guy sitting across from him.

Just as Steve returned to the table, a steady stream of platters arrived.  The super-soldier found that he had his own cooked Japanese food, much to his relief.  Loki watched Thor with interest and thought, " _Now, for the main event._ "

Thor stared at the array of food, in tiny portions.  "How does one eat this?  Where are our utensils?  Surely we cannot eat it with our hands!"  He looked up to see everyone starting to break apart the little pieces of wood they called "chopsticks."  Watching how Loki held his chopsticks, Thor tried to imitate him.  One of the drawbacks to having paws, rather than hands, is lacking the dexterity of those with slimmer digits.  Loki was far from dainty, but the difference in fine motor skills was clear between the brothers.  Thor continually dropped his chopsticks, having no luck picking up sushi.  He tried holding on with both hands, which worked until he had a piece of sushi hovering over his tray with soy sauce.  Thor's chopsticks slipped in his hand, loosening the grip on his piece of dragon roll.  It landed with a "sploosh" and drenched everything around him in soy sauce.

Out of sheer frustration, Thor began to stab at the sushi with the chopsticks.  This just made things worse, as maki rolls disintegrated and blocks of rice from the nigiri crumbled.  It was a massacre!  Everyone at the table scrambled to save as much sushi as they could from the God of Thunder.  A waitress came to their table, seeing Thor's failed attempts with the regular chopsticks, and gave him a set of kid's chopsticks.  The pink clamp that held the chopsticks together had Hello Kitty on them.  Now that Thor had stopped destroying sushi, he was starting to enjoy it.  "Brother, even though it is uncooked, the fish is delicious."

Thor continued to eat until he came across a Hot Night roll.  He had eaten four pieces in quick succession; the bright red fish on the outside was sweet, at first.  Soon the heat of the spicy tuna caught up with him.  His eyes started to water as he looked for something milder to eat until he could cool off.  Thor's eyes landed on a green, mousse-like ball nestled on one of the platters.  It wasn't fish and rice, but it looked delicious.  He picked it up with the chopsticks.

Clint saw what was happening across the table.  "No, Thor!  Don't do..."

Thor popped the ball of wasabi in his mouth.

"That," Clint weakly finished his sentence.

What happened next was pandemonium on a scale that even Loki didn't predict.  In other words, Christmas came early for the God of Mischief.

Thor shot out of his chair, knocking over a passing waiter as he did so and sent a tray of beer and sake flying through the air.  Red-faced, the big, blond oaf coughed and sputtered.  "NORNS!  What devilry is this!?! Who could possibly eat such a thing!"  Thor haphazardly grabbed every water glass on the table to quench his thirst.  He then ran around the restaurant, grabbing at any and every water glass he could.  He only stopped when he seized upon a water pitcher carried by an unsuspecting waitress.  She shrieked when the God of Thunder rushed her.  Her hand was still clutching the handle as Thor raised the pitcher to his lips and started chugging.

" _Well, my work here is done_ ," Loki grinned smugly to himself.  As everyone else was trying to get Thor to drink more water and attempting to calm the other patrons, Loki slipped away from the restaurant.  He left an illusion in his place, which continued to interact with the staff and his dinner guests.  When the hostess came to their table to deliver the check, the illusion held its hand out.  The folio dropped to the floor as it passed through the illusion.  Loki's image dissolved before the stunned Avengers.  When they stood, they saw the check lying open on the floor (in the amount of $1,547.38, before gratuity) and a cocktail napkin sitting on Loki's seat.  In Loki's elaborate handwriting the napkin read, "It's called 'Dine & Dash.'  I do what I want!"

**Author's Note:**

> I've always figure that Loki, Silver-tongued rogue that he is, would be enough of a people person to understand the value of good help and would reward good service at a restaurant or bar. He also knows that Tony is good for picking up the tab. The God of Mischief is a class act and would NEVER "dine & dash"...unless it was an emergency ;-)
> 
> *Edited for grammatical errors.


End file.
